Yesterday morning, I left my home in Kansas at 5:00 to drive nine hours to Indianapolis for a meeting. I listened to 60’s and 70’s music on Pandora to keep me company on the long trek. When the America song, Lonely People, began… “This is for all the lonely people…,” I thought of the text I got two days ago from a graduate student: “Worried about the future. Worried about immediate crippling loneliness.”
Are we experiencing a “loneliness epidemic,” a term I’ve read recently in several articles focusing on adolescents and young adults? This is an issue that predated the pandemic but the isolation of COVID exacerbated the situation and brought it more out in the open. As educators, most of us are aware that some of our students are lonely and that the feeling of friendlessness and not belonging can manifest itself in a variety of behaviors, from super clinginess, especially in small children, to almost complete social withdrawal. We also know that students seldom talk about their loneliness and that some of the most outwardly gregarious ones may be the loneliest, covering up their deep feelings of disconnectedness with lots of words and activity.
Because I’m fairly certain that a few people in my classes each semester are feeling lonely at least part of the time, I am more and more intentional about building community in my classroom (both in-person and virtual). To have a truly affirming community, in which everyone belongs and everyone can thrive, each person must feel supported in all their identities and able to bring their whole beings into the group. A community is only as strong as its loneliest member.
How do we build community? By greeting each student and asking how they’re doing (or having a brief time for students to check in with each other in small groups at the beginning of class if the group is too numerous for meaningful one-to-one interaction with the teacher/professor). By focusing on what each student is bringing into the learning environment; what they know from previous schooling, work experience, family traditions or activities, skills they have acquired through sports or music or hobbies or service work. By giving timely and honest feedback on student work, affirming the successes and offering constructive ideas for improvement where appropriate. By establishing a learning environment characterized by curiosity, cooperation, collaboration, mutual support and respect, and collective fulfillment.
Even if students have lives that are or have been full of trauma and challenge, my goal is that for the time they’re in my classroom, they can take a deep breath and relax, knowing they are safe and loved and that they can take risks, be confused, ask questions, be vulnerable, along with all the other students in the class – a mutual experience that is the opposite of loneliness.
People learn in relationship with other people. Loneliness can keep people out of relationship and, therefore, out of the opportunity to learn and thrive. When we are in settings – like our classrooms – in which we have a bit of control, we can help replace loneliness with connection, which is good for everyone.